A sad revelation.

Is it worth it, saving a friendship just for old times sake. I think being with friends with someone means you put a lot of your secrets and tiny bits of yourself on the line. You give them a little about you, they give you the same, it's all mutual. They could run away with parts of you and never return. Then you slowly start to be more vulnerable but it's the trust that pulls the whole thing together.

But then what happens when you start losing the need to tell the other person things, and what if you feel like you can't be bothered to put anymore of yourself out there. Maybe before there used to be so many things you feel like if you don't tell her, it will be a dead weight on your shoulders, but now you feel that keeping to yourself would be so much easier. But you know you've been friends for awhile. So do you just do continue to push yourself to be nice?

To say that we are super close friends is such a lie. Because honestly, I think you know what you said behind my back. If it wasn't for old times sake and I still loved you, I don't think I would have cared anymore.

Have you ever paused reality, and taken a look back at the history of your life. The good times, the bad times, the hopes, the disappointments, the love in a newly found friend, the pains of fighting because of something small, misunderstanding, hatred. And after all the dust have settled, the most frustrating thing is that as much as you cannot stand someone for whatever reason it may be, you know that etched somewhere deep inside the bottom of your nonsensical heart, you can't deny that somehow, you still love the person, nonetheless. I mean lots of things happen in a fit of anger and confusion, as angry as you get, do you really hate the person? Or are you just, angry? I'm so wishy washy and I'm the queen of brittle friendships, which is kind of sad. Have you ever sat down and think of people who've walked in and out of your life for whatever reasons, known, unknown, and reflect upon what really happened, and how much your honest self you really missed having fun with the person? Like remember all the texts to and fro that kept us going through everyday, secrets shared, crisis after crisis..

What is it to compare what you thought before and what you thought now. It's like, how you like to invite her to your wedding, how you mention her so much to your boyfriend and then like two weeks later your boyfriend is like hey, I realized you don't talk so much about the person anymore and your life has totally changed focus.

I'm sorry to anyone who I've ever talked bad about. I'm really trying to change. I want to make people around me happier. I'm going to stay away from who they asked me to, because I know they're the ones that knows what's best for me, and I'll be a better person. I will be a better person and my life will be happier. Do you believe me?